Mar 11, 2018
The crumbing service of our favorite brands & that grandpa at HDFC Bank
But before we get to HDFC Bank, let’s begin with my misadventures at the glittering WeWork. It’s where I work in shiny BKC with Discovery.
WeWork is a frothy place for upcoming businesses to shimmer till the time they die. If there’s one thing about WeWork that’s true, it’s that nothing ever works in their office. At least in the one at BKC.
Sample this: If a guest comes to WeWork BKC, to connect an external laptop, they must first connect to the guest Wifi, then download an app called Via and then key in the room number and the code that’s displayed on the spotless screen that’s in the room they are in. After this happens, normally all of us send up a prayer. Most of the times, like in real life, the prayers don’t work.
All of this in place of a wire (or a combination of wires/ports ) that can simply connect to every laptop. It’s no big deal. We have it on our two floors at DiscoveryComm in the same building. A half-decent IT guy can fix this. But hey, they are WeWork . They need to make it as fancy as possible (in the name of wireless) so that it doesn’t work or is simply as hard as possible.
And this is just one of the things that’s pissing of about WeWork. The list is endless but I mustn’t give them more that five minutes of my typing. But one last thing must be said, since they work so hard at getting us free beers in the evenings. Take away the beers and the couches and the events, WeWork. Just give us something that works.
Next, HDFC Bank is a bank which is like a paralyzed grandpa that wants to watch AR videos from his bed but hasn’t known what internet surfing us. Whoever manages internet banking at HDFC Bank (God bless his/her soul), probably is trying to code the website using a Remington Typewriter.
An example: Let’s say you want to see your statements from 2 months ago. 99% of banks across India will give you a “Select Period” option where you can select statements from at least 6 months ago. Citibank does. Axis Bank does too.
But not our dear HDFC. Here they only show this month and previous month. Why? We don’t know.
Here they ominously tell you to go to “Download Historical Statements” option. Mind you, there is no sign on the homepage where you see this “Download Historical Statements” option. You have to figure your way to get to this. Once you do go there and select your period and click on “Continue”, what you get is a big big blob! You try this twice. And then you change from Safari to Chrome. You try there twice too. But again, that ostrich-sized blob is right there. Has the statement downloaded as they originally promised? No.
Why must they complicate what is a one-line code? Why must they? One look at the overall interface and you know it’s a relic within HDFC that’s making all the decisions about internet banking.Really, who is this grandpa or granny who manages Internet Banking at HDFC Bank?
Now let’s do Vodafone. A good rejoinder here would’ve been that I saved the worst for the last. But I am feeling generous, and do have one more brand to go. You know this is one of those cases, where you are compelled to say, the less said the better. I think here they really are a placeholder for any telecom operator. How hard is it to get to speak to anyone from any telco? And that’s just the starting point. What about the times when the Vodafone 4G becomes EDGE or GPRS in the middle of the Western Express Highway? Sometimes I wonder if their CEO uses some other network. And the number of times, the Vodafone network gets a solitary bar sitting right in the middle of the WeWork office on the 5th floor? Countless.
Rounding off the list is Cleartrip, perhaps the least culpable of the three but a fascinating provider of irritating experiences, nonetheless. Here’s one from the morning. A transaction gets stuck at the “payment processing” page. The warning sign is there for you to adhere. “Do not click or refresh”. So you don’t.
Ten minutes pass by. You look at the fine print. It says, “Call this number with this Trip ID in case there is an issue.” You call them. You put in the trip ID. You do it twice and all you hear is “Invalid Trip ID” on the IVRS. Twice.
You give up. Meanwhile, you get a work call. While you are attending to this, there is a call on the other line. You think its ClearTrip. You know it is ClearTrip trying to save their monies from going to that shabby guy from Trivago. You hastily finish the call and disconnect. You call that number back which you think was ClearTrip.
Of course, its confirmed now that it was ClearTrip. Because it’s a number that can’t receive calls and one that doesn’t go through. Now those bitches just won’t call you back again. Will they?
You do the next best thing. Go to your phone to see if the money is deducted from the HDFC account you hold. You heave a sigh of relief that there are no messages. But what if the grandpa at HDFC Bank failed to send you that message? He is as incapable as they come anyway. You are left second-guessing.
I pause and think. Maybe its all fucked up just today. Maybe, it will be a new day tomorrow. Perhaps, someone will call me at work and sort this. Oh well, I will be at WeWork BKC. Fuck!
I won’t get network either. It’s Vodafone after all.
