A paean to Pain

That invisible thing, artifact, that bitter aftertaste, that hits you like a bulldozer crushing a piece of gravel to dust.

Imagine a shifty boxer inside your gut, flexing his elbows, pulverizing you from within. There are no bounds to where pain can come from. It emanates from a lingering hug as much as a goodbye. From a kiss, as much as a kick. Because, everything good that has ever happened (or is to happen) will lead to pain.

It’s lies there on a blank page of paper where nothing materializes after days. And it finds it’s own space to live even in a lengthy contract where words mean nothing. There is pain in a vow of marriage, and it voices itself with authority in a divorce hearing. There is only a matter of degree. But discernibly, it persists.

Come to think of it, if you have had a moment of insurmountable joy, it is only because you have deferred pain. After that transitory moment, what remains is pain, lodged in your heart, hoping for that next burst of joy to quell it. But joy is a muse at best, because in the end you have to make peace with pain. It’s there in the hesitation of your voice and it’s there in your emphatic declaration. You live with pain.

That’s when niceties abound. Etiquette takes over. A facade of well-meaning behavior springs into action. Words attempt to pacify and hide that pain, but instead they turn into monsters.

Silence is advocated, and right then, pain hollers at it’s loudest.

Take away attention from that pain, soothsayers jump in. That film, music, art, will be unwavering crutches in this journey to walk over the agony. Such diversions are but faithless, impermanent companions for they cater to everyone around you. They have been flirted with so many times before to charter an escape from pain, that everything remains broken.

By now, pain has triumphed and slayed everyone in it’s path. It resides forever, having invaded one more inch of space in your soul where it finds comfort. Because it finds solace in pain from things much worse, from before. Tired, it sleeps.

And awaits, the next spell of pain.